Midnight Revelation

I'm mentally exhausted. I've been living on 5 hours or less of sleep everyday.
It's 3:10am and I'm still awake. I want to sleep but … I just can't.


You know, I've always wondered what makes me want to leave Sydney so much.

I've blamed the people. I've blamed it on the safety of the city. I've blamed it on myself. I've always found a million reasons to leave Sydney. But I just can't reason it out, why? What is the actual reason.

Other than myself, being the annoying prick that always want to stick to my boyfriend like a freaking chewing gum, to be honest, even if my boyfriend is not in Melbourne, I still have that urge to go back to Melbourne, even if I don't have any friends that are still in Melbourne as well.

WHY!?

I think I thought it out today.

Lying in my bed since 11pm. Watching drama. Watching the time go by. Frequent texts from my boyfriend, friend and family. Absolutely no physical social interaction with anyone since I ended my lecture.

I ABSOLUTELY DETEST BEING ALONE.

I learnt something about myself.
If I am in a hall full of people, I'm actually okay being alone. Or being left alone.

But in a room, alone. Alone.
I just can't take it.

The more annoying thing? I find all kinds of reason to go out, to buy groceries, meet up with some friends or go to school to study or even head to the gym, but the next second, I chicken out with all kinds of stupid reason and continue staying in my confined space.

I don't even know what to say.
I'm so contradicting. I'm so confused and I am just so alone.

Okay, I sound like a sore loser with no friends right now.
I DO have friends. But they are people that I just want to keep it as 'acquaintances' friends.
You know the difference. But of course, I have a few people that I want to know more about and become closer friends but that takes time doesn't it?

I am currently on the verge of buying a flight ticket to Melbourne again to escape from this suffocating space.
I guess that's what I always look forward to. That breathing space. The time to be able to breathe again, temporarily.
Actually, I might actually.

Enough venting it out.
My room is so stuffy as well.
I need air. Desperately.

Signing off,
Lyyn

(On a second thought, this post is really dark… Sorry people. I just had to vent it out somehow. Love my blog! /shrugs/)

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